92615_RAA_LooseCannon_Text_R1_PROOF

The guy says, "because it's our policy."

"What's your policy?"

"I gotta take your backpack."

"No," I say.

"Get out," he says.

Now this lights my fuse.

"Why?" I say.

"Because you won't give me your backpack," says the functionary.

"What do you need my backpack for, though?" I ask.

"Because," the guy says.

"No," I say again.

"Then get out," the guy says.

"Well, it seems we've got a bit of a Mexican standoff here," I say.

Now this totally makes the guy's train of thought jump the tracks. I mean, he kinda doesn't know what to do with me because I'm not following the script that he's been trained with in the first place, and now I'm using terms he's not familiar with. "You know that bit in old Westerns when the good guy has a gun on the bad guy who's also just pulled his out and point ed it at the good guy at the same time?"

"Yes," says the guy slowly.

"Well, that's a Mexican standoff," says I. "What're you gonna do?" I say.

"Gimme your backpack," the guy says.

By this time, all of the people who work there (who aren't really working yet, because there's no one in the store, and it is first thing in the morn ing) have gathered around to listen to me give this guy a hard time.

"Look, man; I feel your pain," I say. "I work in retail every once in a while,

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