92615_RAA_LooseCannon_Text_R1_PROOF

You just say that Tobey Maguire was the clone the whole time, and Topher Grace is the real Peter Parker. That way Tobey retires in honor, the Spider Man franchise gets some new blood with an award-winning actor, and we all get three more Spidey movies to go with our popcorn and Jujubes.

“Dude, you’ve invented dynamite. Fanboy dynamite.”

Naw, man, I tell him. They’d never do that. It’d tank DVD sales just like The Clone Saga tanked Spidey comics sales, and they’re not going to mess with that kinda cash.

But you get what I’m saying, yeah? Stay away from clones.

But, wait; that Michael Bay movie The Island looks pretty good…

Forget I said anything.

I Blame Nixon November 29, 2005

OK, I blame Nixon for a lot of things, actually. Just because he didn't have a vision for the American space program (pissed because it was Kennedy's task and Johnson and his pals who reaped the economic benefits), he rub ber-stamped the shuttle and had Congress OK the bare minimum of fund ing. So I get the promise as a boy in the late '60s that when I'm an adult, I'm going to be eating fried clams (or something that tastes very much like it) while quaffing my Tang-based screwdrivers at the Howard Johnson's just south of Autolycus. Instead, we get low-earth orbit Skylab in the '70s, 1 200 catastrophe odds for shuttle launches in the '80s and '90s, and the biggest successes are JPL's Mars Tonkas and the biggest failures are NASA's silica aerogel satellite impact in the naughties. So, then Bush, Jr. and his buddies yell, "hey, station, moon, and Mars!" hoping to defer attention and guys like me still can't help but get excited even though we know better, and, OK, Lockheed Martin's CEV looks enough like the ship from the Planet of the Apes, down to the delta-shaped crew quarters and the back engine package to make me finally think we're getting somewhere. "At last we get the future and the diagonal zippers and the stogies and the stalwart friends and pliable blondes and the spacecraft we were promised long ago!" And I can't help but notice that I don't live off-planet.

And then? Head-of-NASA Michael Griffin unveils the new plan, a scant six

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