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nauts, and it's still true today. But if you have a completed, pencilled, inked, and lettered seventy-two page graphic novel, go ahead and send it to me to see what I think. Although, if I were you, I'd publish it my own self."

OK.

Let's wait for the first 99% of the hopeful creators to leave, because I'm going to give the rest of you guys some hints on how to pitch your book to me, and, by extension, all the other publishers who are looking for the next cool book to publish.

Ready? This first one is so obvious, you wouldn't believe how many people forget to do this.

It is absolutely imperative that you know what your book is about.

Believe it or not, I can tell you in the first two minutes of talking to you on the phone, rapping with you at a convention, or sitting around the Isotope with The Comic Pimp whether or not we will publish your book. But I don't want to hear, "Hey, I got this project I wanna pitch you: In the future, the world's richest family hires an army to hunt vampires and bring 'em to a lab, with an eye toward distilling what it is out of their blood that makes them immortal, so they can be the world's richest family, forever. Time goes by, and they basically hunt vampires to extinction without ever figuring out immortality. But two old crusty guys remain vigilant, never giving up, never stopping their training, figuring that they must have missed one or two. And then one day, a vampire named Landon shows up, and they get back in the saddle, and chase down the last vampire, in hopes of giving their own wasted lives some meaning." I want to hear, "Hey, I want to pitch you something. Anne Rice meets The Fugitive. The last, reluctant vampire is hunted by rough dudes. This time, they're out for his blood. I call it Hemogoblin ." See the difference? Sure, the first one isn't bad, per se, but it's much too involved for a quick pitch on the convention floor when I'm trying to talk twenty dollar bills out of the pockets of the passers-by. Look at the second one: if you can one-line it, tell me the title, and give me a marketing hook, chances are you can write a good comic book, too. I mean, yawn. I got up and went to the bathroom and came back and you were still talking and I didn't miss anything.

(Those of you who like the sound of that story can find it this December in Proof of Concept, my short story collection available to order this month in

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